Really multiple dating is just a code term for: 1) Keeping your options open.
2) Being afraid of commitment because you’re afraid of getting hurt. Some people keep their options open because they want to shag around, they think there’s plenty of fish in the sea, and they also worry that someone who perfectly meets their criteria may be out there somewhere and are afraid of ‘settling’.
Over the past few weeks in particular, I’ve had quite a few readers tell me that they’re dating multiple people, something I find exhausting just thinking about it, but at the same time rather fascinating because I find that people give me all sorts of reasons for they do it: I’m just experimenting with dating. Remember how you didn’t like it when Mr Unavailable had a narcissistic harem of women he was dipping in and out of for an ego stroke? It’s where you discover the facts that will help you determine whether you should green light, date some more and potentially move into a relationship, or whether you should red light and abort the mission.
Couldn’t you ‘experiment’ with one person for a few dates, see how it goes, and then move on? Do the people who you are dating know that you’re potentially wasting their time? As people no matter what they tell you, don’t always date for the same reasons, dating someone and getting to know them will let you determine through their actions and interactions (not just words and your imagination) whether you are two people on the same page with similar primary values.
The issues arise because not only do people bluster blindly through dating ignoring red flags and letting their libidos and imaginations make decisions for them, but we .
Multiple dating makes dating messier even though the people that do it often think it makes it easier because it keeps them out of a relationship, let’s them check out lots of options at once instead of doing one person at a time, but it can also be a protective measure for ensuring that you don’t get close enough to anyone.
I was afraid if a guy found out that I was dating someone else, he would drop me.
Dating one man at a time is a mistake on several levels, that is: You invest your time, energy and emotions in a man and then weeks or months later you decide he’s the wrong man. Last month, I wrote to two men that I was very interested in.The good news is that both of them wrote me back and I have been seeing both for the past 2-3 weeks.When I first started online dating, I had this notion that dating more than one person simultaneously would somehow be insincere. There were times where I would end up talking to a few girls at once but this was always accidental.With this approach, I went on one first-date every month, sometimes less.
In fact a number of women have said to me that they’re afraid of wasting time, while at the same time feeling that time is running out, so they’re trying to effectively compact, for example, what would be a years worth of dating for another person, into a couple of months. It may feel like you’re auditioning them for what you feel is the big job of being ‘The One’ but you and they are people with feelings, libidos, imaginations, and love habits that may be counterproductive to you actually getting the relationship you want – adding several people to the mix just makes it messy.